Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

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authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

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I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I can count

I understand how hurricane paths work

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I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Atheists who said that reading the Bible made them an atheist, how? Literally there are millions of people who read the Bible daily and still believe in God. So why say that? I mean unless you want to sound smart & edgy

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I can read

I don’t cotton to rapists

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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I see through liars

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Should you have a threesome with your best friend and your significant other if the significant other requests it?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

My dog is 2 weeks old. He's not eating, moving and always sleeping and I can't take him to a vet. What should I do?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

What is your review of X-Men '97 season 1?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Is there a possibility that we are living in a simulation and that there is a concept of rebirth?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have a reading level above third grade

What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I actually pay taxes

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It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”